i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
