the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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