I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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