do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
