Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
