I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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