update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize