he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
