She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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