I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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