just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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