he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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