I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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