Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
