This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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