I hate your face
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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