You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize