omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
