Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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