I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
