Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
