I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
40s are totally the cure
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize