return my video game
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
