I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
