Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize