Please, let me fuck your mom
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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