we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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