so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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