Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize