I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
