how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
