therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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