Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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