Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
