yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
