As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
