And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
