You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize