you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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