3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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