He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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