ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
