lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
