It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
