also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
