Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Found the puke drawer
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
