Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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