Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
