so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
