remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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