i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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