I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
