I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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