you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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