its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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