Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
