we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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