The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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