Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
