dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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