Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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