Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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