i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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