The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
