I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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