I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
