Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
