According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
