Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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