i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
