it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
