this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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